I can't look at the stars
by PoetryRebel
Summary: The only answer he recieved was the wind whistling harshly. He pulled out the blanket that they'd laid on so many times and sat on it, not facing Ally directly, then turned to face the night sky. "You said it was beautiful," Austin murmured, "the way no two stars were exactly alike, though from our perspective, they look like dots. I see that, now. It's like you and me." / auslly


**A/N: You're probably not going to understand this fic until the end. Then, once you read it, go back and reread it with the knowledge, if the fic wasn't too much to endure. But don't look at the end first, because that's no fun, and you might not be as shocked. Please? :c Thankyou~!**

**Also, listening to "Stars" by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals would really set the mood for this story, cause it's kind of a songfic to that, but I didn't think lyrics would fit for this story. (: Thanks, Read&Review,**

**~Rebel**

**/**

As he played the last show of the night, he realized how dark it was. He'd been so lost in the alcohol and the fans slurring "Austin!" that he hadn't notice how quickly time had flown.

So he played the entire night - until around 5 in the morning, when all the drunks had passed out, and the sobers alike. Once the sun was up, the stars diminishing into the pasty, blue sky, he packed up his acoustic and headed for home, where he'd repeat this routine.

Then his mind flashed to something he'd rather it not, and he felt his knees go weak. If it weren't for his masculinity, he'd collapse on the ground right there, right then.

It didn't help that a plane flew by, roaring and absorbing all of his attention. The sound numbed his ears, but the memories inside played a thousand times later.

"_Hey, I'm on the plane now," Ally said, quietly into the line of the phone. "They're gonna take my phone soon, so I just wanted to say I miss you already."_

"_I miss you, too," Austin breathed out, "when are you coming home?"_

"_Three days," she whispered. "I'll see you in three days."_

And six months later, he never got a call back.

Not that he was expecting one.

He made note to call her later.

Sometimes he'd think about her. He'd like to think that, wherever she may be, she's happy, and she's singing, because that's the one thing she's always wanted to do.

And maybe, sometimes, on a full moon night, he'd think about the times they'd sit and watch the stars. She'd pretend she was flying, and they would get lost in space. Ally would point out the brightest in the sky, and they'd focus on it. And maybe that's the reason it kills him to look at it, or stars in general.

They didn't understand why he refused to go out at night sometimes, or play late shows outside. They didn't understand why he kept the curtains and the blinds drawn shut. They didn't understand why he couldn't look at the stars - and maybe they never would.

To kill time, he walked up the boulevard to her old apartment. The one he bought for her, fresh after his second tour. It was small, per her request. If she'd asked, he would've bought her a whole city, just for her.

She would've liked that.

/

Austin stopped as he reached her place. The mat on the doorstep still read "Ally Dawson's Lavish Abode."

He chuckled slightly and drew up to the door step, making sure to note if the third step still creaked.

And it did. The third panel in the door was missing a window, from where he and Dez were playing clarinet golf and knocked it out. It was taped up with cardboard and aluminum foil, though they had well enough the money to fix it. When he rang the doorbell, the same chorus from "Double Take" played harmoniously. And when he walked away, his heart still broke.

Austin pulled out his phone, and dialed her number. As soon as her voicemail clicked on, the moment she said "_Hello," _his heart stopped beating and his breath caught in his throat, even though he figured she'd let it go to voicemail. The rest of the message played, and the beep caused his heart to start pounding again.

"Meet me at Heaven's Boulevard, tonight," he said, then shut his phone without another word.

/

He walked down the pathway in the dimly lit area, eyes glancing up at the now starry sky above him. A pang in his chest sent shudders down his spine, telling him this was wrong, unhealthy even, but he continued walking, step by step until he reached his destination. And there she was.

"Hey, Ally," he whispered.

Silence.

"It's been a while, hasn't it? I said I'd come visit more often, but I guess time has passed me by."

Again, no reply. It sent chills throughout him, goose bumps forming on the back of his neck. Instead of leaving, he just swallowed harshly and tugged at the hair near the goose bumps.

"I've missed you. You know I haven't looked at the stars since we last spoke? We used to stargaze, all the time, since I thought cloud watching was lame. But now, I'd give anything just to do even that with you."

He felt a tear trickle down his cheek. "I miss you. And I loved you. I - I love you."

The only answer he recieved was the wind whistling harshly, and he pulled out the blanket that they'd laid on so many times and sat on it, not facing her directly, then turning up to face the night sky.

"You said it was beautiful, remarkable even," Austin murmured, "the way no two stars were exactly alike, though from our perspective, they all look like dots. I see that, now. It's kind of like you and me."

He chuckled, thinking back to their previous moments. "You know, I've sort of been like an opposite vampire. Tonight's the first night I've even looked at the sky on a night like this."

As the silence pursued, he sighed. "I don't know what I hoped to gain of this. Closure, maybe? But that couldn't happen…"

"I only do local tours now, if you heard. I tend to avoid planes," he whispered. "Ever since…"

And he broke down.

On his knees, in front of her.

In front of her gravestone.

He reached out, feeling the engravement that was making his lips tremble.

_Allyson Grace Dawson_

_February 4__th__, 1996 - May 9__th__, 2016_

_Heaven wanted another angel_

And the sobs started, completely racking his body and disrupting the otherwise peaceful silence of the cemetery.

In some demented way, it was like he was touching her. Though, instead of her soft, silky tan skin, it was hard, and cold, and it felt like a ghost was creeping onto him as his hands rubbed across it, making sure he read and hovered above every letter.

He squinted his eyes, not being able to look at the sight above him. The stars.

They made him wonder where she was.

If heaven did exist, she'd be dancing among the stars, perching on that particularly bright one, looking down at him.

And as he looked up towards the sky, fighting everything in him, he located the brightest one.

And there she was.


End file.
